Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
