He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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