I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
