you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
