I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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