I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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