I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
