Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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