How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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