My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
