SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Small penises have feelings too.
it's like iHOP with fire
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize