You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
