Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
