So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
