Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
