You really coming over, don't trick.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
