oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
