i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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