dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
