I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
