dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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