Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
