im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i've created a new STD.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
