ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
What a dumb baby whore.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
