She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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