got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
