clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
