he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
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