I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
