You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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