1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
