I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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