you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
