As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
