when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Randomize
