So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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