Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
