just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
my poor anus
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
