Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
ugly people sure do ruin things
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
