Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
