They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
