I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
