im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
