When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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