She is in my trunk
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
