Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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