I should be sponsored by Trojan
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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