So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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