i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
