Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize