I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
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