Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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