i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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