hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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