you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
