I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
