I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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