everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
