My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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