Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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