please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
