just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
