her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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