You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
