Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
