At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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