He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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