first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
