Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
