We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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