it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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