Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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