That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
