Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
