My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
