tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
