oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
