is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the day after is always just damage control
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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