Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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