I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
