you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
