Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
