Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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