I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
