Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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