I smell stomach acid.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
