Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize