So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
