i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
