I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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