I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Your penis caused this!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
