real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
