so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
