how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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