Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
