Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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