I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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