Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Dear god my vagina.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
