I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
