Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize