Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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