I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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