its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
