Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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